if asked, i would describe myself as a generally confident individual who is prone to brief, but statistically significant stints of self-consciousness. such bouts are characterized by general neediness, feeling "dumb" (not unable to speak - heaven forbid - but the opposite of "intelligent"), and truly awful comebacks.
awhile back, while visiting some family, one might say i tried to use a (plastic) microwaveable steamer as a stovetop pan. after puzzling over the odd smell, i noticed the "pan" was melting into the shape of an electric burner. i tolerated some goodnatured teasing from my siblings and when i'd had enough, i sharply retorted: "i'm...smart!"
that did not improve my situation.
to those who have ever found themselves dumbfounded by their dumbness, i raise my glass and toast with an old school favorite:
by shel silverstein
"My dad gave me one dollar bill
'Cause I'm his smartest son,
And I swapped it for two shiny quarters
'Cause two is more then one!
"And then I took the quarters
And traded them to Lou
For three dimes-- I guess he didn't know
That three is more than two!
"Just then, along came old blind Bates
And just 'cause he can't see
He gave me four nickels for my three dimes,
And four is more than three!
"And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs
Down at the seed-feed store,
And the fool gave me five pennies for them,
And five is more than four!
"And I went and showed my dad,
And he got red in the cheeks
And closed his eyes and shook his head--
Too proud of me to speak!"
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