Toasty Bons silently cursed The Milky Way as her alarm went off this morning. It was not an unusual morning. But this morning she thought: "I cannot go to school today. I cannot."
So she went to Mercury instead. Shhhh...don't ask. Toasty Bons frequently visited Mercury because it was the smallest of all the planets, and she heard once that it is good to appreciate the small things in life. And, being closest to the Sun, it was a very toasty planet (highs in the 800's) that helped Toasty Bons live up to her name.
Although she was intrigued by the mysterious planet, and found its magnetic field difficult to resist, she determined that Mercury was too volatile for a long-term stay. Toasty Bons headed to Venus.
"Talk about a morning star!" she thought to herself. "They may say this is Earth's little sis, but I'd say she's pretty much the brightest natural object in the night sky, other than moons. If I had extensive volcanic activity as a result of crust subduction due to periodic episodes of plate tectonics, you better believe I'd hide behind an opaque layer of highly reflective clouds!" Toasty Bons suddenly realized she was talking aloud. To herself. With great emotion. She momentarily contemplated throwing herself into a volcano, but instead decided to check out the social scene on Mars.
Toasty Bons didn't have high hopes as Earth is the only place in the universe known to harbor life, but she thought it was worth a shot. Frankly, Toasty Bons was bored with Earth's third-planet-from-the-sun routines. She also ceased to be impressed by the diameter and mass that earned her planet the title: "Largest Terrestrial Planet."
So Toasty Bons dipped into the red a bit to visit the 4th planet from the sun.
I Wrote a Column for Outside and They Published It on the Internet! - I'm currently waiting to board a cross-country New York-bound germ tube as I type this, but my latest column ponders the question all thinking cyclists* ha...