Friday, March 30, 2007

you know you're a bad driver when...

i was driving my friend's car tonight in hollywood. after making a right turn on a green light, i was surprised to see flashing lights behind me.

by the time i pulled into the nearest lot and parked, the entourage included 1 police car and 2 police on motorcycles. i tried not to panic as i waited for the officer to approach the vehicle.

"ma'am, when you're making a right turn you have to get in the right turn lane. you can't split the two lanes."

"oh, i understand. i am very sorry, sir."

"may i see your license?"

i silently prayed to the traffic gods that they would not check my spotted record as i handed over the id. the officer examined it closely with a flashlight, then shined the light into the car.

"ma'am, have you been drinking tonight?"

is this an inappropriate time to confess my religious beliefs? i thought. somehow it seemed that responding "i'm mormon" might seem fascitious rather than sincere.

"no. no i haven't."

"would you mind looking at my finger? now i want you to follow it as i move, but don't try too hard."

the perfectionist in me momentarily panicked: what if i don't pass? then i realized it would take a concerted effort for an adult who is stone cold sober to fail this test.

after several rapid gestures with his finger, the officer returned my license and let me off with a friendly "be safe this evening." as i timidly started up the car and pulled away, i saw the interrogating officer comment to his partner, "well, she hasn't been drinking..."

so the story goes that tonight in hollywood i - a woman who has never ingested an alcoholic beverage - was pulled over for drunk driving.

1 comment:

MyCrowsa said...

What about people who have shifty eyes? I bet they never pass the drunk test. Hey whuttup, it's Michael. We met on the set of "party girl." If you don't remember, we have future engagements including: me living under a bridge cussing you out for your "advice" as you drive away and this year's Eastern Championship game betwixt the Bulls (yeah I went there 'betwixt') and the Pistons where all I do is give you a dirty look. Well anyways, keep April 10th open cuz I'd really like to see you again (before the engagements brought up earlier, of course) and this can happen if you come to my show, stand-up, on that date at the Hollywood Improv. Check out my blog and you shall see the details.... oh yes and "Hi"