the server went down at work, which meant that we only had access to the world wide web. seeing as our employer blocks facebook, youtube, hulu, and any other entertaining or socially productive sites, we were forced to google: life expectancy calculator. and compete over who would live longest.
i made it to 93. and immediately started shaving years off my life by stressing over other people's results. despite the calculator's affirmations re: my diet, lifestyle, family history, and exercise routines, EVERYONE SCORED HIGHER than i did. whatever, doc. you probably got your MD online. not even. you're probably a 13-year-old computer genius hermit who's obsessed with ruining people's lives.
but seriously, what's your score?
This Just In: I Will Gladly Pay You Friday For No Blogging Post Today - Owing to the imminent demolition of my home and neighborhood to make way for Elon Musk's new Hyperloop (they're swinging the wrecking ball as I speak) I am...