social cues

you're in an uncomfortable conversation with mom's coworker's aunt who is reporting on her family's history of foot fungus as you nervously nibble on a piece of cantaloupe. you catch mom's eye across the patio and return her glance with wide eyes and a terrified grin which she immediately mistakes for an "i'm having a great time" smile. she waves merrily and turns her back on you to greet a distant relative who has just arrived. the party's winding down, the punch is gone, and you are stuck for the indefinite future.

what you need are a few clear, unmistakable social cues. none of this ear-tugging, eyebrow-raising nonsense. for your consideration (photo demonstrations by jess):

AWKWARD TURTLE
accomplished by placing one hand, palm down, on top of the other and wiggling thumbs in a circular motion. this communicates feelings of awkwardness and social discomfort. it can be used as a nonverbal cue directed at the person causing said discomfort or as a third party s.o.s. signal.

SEXUAL TENSION SWAN
to assume this pose, bend one arm at a 90 degree angle and place it parallel to your torso, palm up. place the elbow of your second arm in the palm of your first and form a bird beak with your hand. a must-have at the club, this swan can be as sassy and aggressive as situation requires.

ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
someone has to break the silence. might as well be you. extend arm diagonally across your body and secure it in the crook of your second arm while covering your face with fingertips. nobody can ignore an elephant like that.